If there's one thing I know about financial markets.

It's that a nickel can still get you a piece of Bazooka gum.
As a Jew, I am part of the explicitly Hebrew collective unconscious. We go there when we sleep. Our Jew horns only come out when we're tuning in. Very Carl Jung. Because I have access to this, I remember going to school with five cent loaves of bread as my feet. In the snow storm. At Auschwitz.
Roberto Benigni and Robin Williams should be put in concentration camps. I'd say for sure if we put Robin Williams in a camp, all we'd have to do is put up barbed wire and he'd never escape. His body hair would catch and he'd get stuck.
There was a time in this country where people saw Sophie's Choice, and were outraged by the Holocaust being portrayed as too much of a background to a romance movie.
Now we have this:

Are you kidding me man? Robin Williams is fucking MORK. Now he's a concentration camp Jew, who, by the way is the best fed number armed prisoner that's ever lived. It's like a soup in a metal cup buffet at that place. Hollywood needs to stop trying to make points about race and humanity, because they're HORRIBLE AT IT.
Crash won best picture one year. CRASH. The climax of the movie is when, even though he's a racist, Matt Dillon's POLICEMAN character still decides to save Thandie Newton from a BURNING CAR WHERE SHE IS MELTING. Pretty sure the dude's a racist, not an evil maniac. Point lost. Watching that movie is like Watching Oliver Stone direct a David Lynch script. A waste of fucking time with a shitty ending. What's worse, this ultra misguided, intended to be progressively apologetic Hollywood guilt is getting worse.
Oh you don't think so?
This movie is real:

Yet another Hollwood shit bag where white people find out that black people, are, in fact, humans. The trailer alone reeks of white guilt (which smells like salami when it's wet).

Listen, show business, you don't need to have black people be mystical, magical, or have intense human staring contests with the white people to prove they're 5/5's of a person. You can just make movies where the black person doesn't:
1)Die early.
2)Act the most aggressively out of a team of people trying to escape something, eventually killing the secondary bad guy to save the main bad guy murder for the white person, and then have either the white guy save him or the black guy give his life to save the white guy. (Azeem and the Witch ("The painted man!"))
3)Lose out on banging the white chick to the white dude.
4)Possess magical powers which makes the black person worth caring about as much as white people.
The Help is a movie made for the people who leave the theater thinking "man, if I were alive in slave times, I'd be so nice to my slaves, let 'em live in the house and everything."
Oh you already saw it? Racist.
We're going in the wrong direction.
If we don't put a stop to this now, in ten years we're gonna end up with this:

And don't you laugh. If 2012 doesn't happen, this will.
Fuck.

The NFL lockout is finally over.

Dear non-football people,
It's OK. It's not really about that.
It's about the following:
1.

David Stern - NBA commisioner - Dickhead

This is David Stern. He's basically the CEO of the NBA. He sucks at life. Find a clip of him talking and you'll see that there's at least a 50% chance this was the kid in your high school who wore the winter jacket all year.
Nobody was hoping more than Stern that the NFL would stay locked up this season. Because the NBA talent, highlights, and most importantly, big basketball markets, are all on the upswing.
And then, because he sucks at life, he let the NBA owners locked their players out too, and forced the continuance of the NBA sucking balls.



Quick shot out to the true King of The Jews: Amar'e Stoudemire:

Amar'e Stoudemire - NBA player - Jew

This man is a New York Knickerbocker. He is also an Israelite. To me, he has skyrocketed to top 5 Jewish athletes ever. He, along with Carmelo Anthony, a New Yorker who refused to go to any NBA team besides New York or New Jersey, have made the Knicks a professional basketball team again.

Boston has their old dogs still kicking around making angry faces and occasionally "putting on a clinic" in the first twenty games of the season..


Kobe Bryant still makes that same face on every basket that says "The basket never says no to Kobe Bryant's balls, even if the girl I raped did."
YA BURNT.

This is all not to mention that the Chicago Bulls have a Gremlin on the team named Derrick Rose, who may be the ugliest man in the NBA since Tyrone Hill (Seal Face).The kid looks like Goliath from the Gargoyles. But he's awesome. The whole NBA is so close to being awesome.
The thing about football is though, it's REALLY awesome, right now and forever. Although I imagine when one of the NFL teams gets moved to Los Angeles, I will quickly learn to hate them and believe less in the sanctity of football.
Things that will be at LA football games:
Stylish straw fedoras. Unacceptable.
People sending phone pictures to Facebook of the game, without actually watching the game. Unacceptable.
A high end, non-football related retail experience. Fuck off.
Here's what's acceptable:

LA doesn't have it in them to be this amazing. Sorry. So, of the teams that may move to LA, it shouldn't have to be the Vikings or else we'll never see amazing shit like these guys again.  You should get a crappy team nobody cares about.
I speak of course about the Jacksonville Jaguars.
And although LA fans can never be as tits as Vikings fans, I think LA could handle, this?

This Jaguars fan is the lamest dude I've ever seen, ever.
You don't look like you're rooting for a football team, you look like you got locked in a cartoon freezer.
You also look like an asshole-tard.
And no place breeds assholes like LA.
Obviously.
You can handle this LA, you're going to get another chance with the NFL, LA. DON'T FUCK IT UP!*






*You're gonna fuck it up for sure.