I know the disabled don't have it easy...

I get it.  Being disabled sucks. But you know what? Most of us (namely, me) have known the guy who's handicapped, and is a fucking asshole.  Then what do you do? Nothing, right? I'm supposed to let it go because this kid's arm is folded up like a Tyrannosaurus. So he can keep making fun of my car for looking like his grandma's, and I can't tell him to fuck himself with his cab-driver-from-Total-Recall arm?
I say that's wrong. A douche is a douche is a douche, and should be treated as such.
Par instance:

My dad, having been born a younger brother, likes to get under the skin of my extremely good-natured uncle. One thing that always sends my uncle into a rage is my father's wildly embellished recounting of the time they were working at a moving warehouse as college kids, and my uncle fashioned a perfect noose by which was (albeit briefly) strung up a BLACK MIDGET!
Not only is the idea of this extremely disturbing because of the horrible racial connotation of the noose, but there's the added horror of stringing up a little person, which I can only imagine creates an even greater dangling legs situation than normal.
My uncle denied being present for this. At first. Then, over the years, as my father continued to embellish more and more about what went on, my uncle started to feel the need to set the record straight.
He did fashion a noose. How the fuck? He had rheumatism, Rosacea, or some other Oregon Trail type disease as a kid, and learned all kinds of weird shit while bedridden for a year. A noose. Also, the dudes who actually strung him up were 1 black man and 1 white man. He was not involved. Those two dudes told my uncle they were just going to "scare him."  Most importantly, I finally learned the REASON they were doing thiswas because the dude was a huge drunken dickweed. So those dudes were right, I bet it scared him, and he never came back
But when my pops tells it, you'd think my uncle was a grand wizard writing black people's names on nooses and running around Queens with bloodhounds callin' out "here niggy niggy " while a church full of children hide under a porch watching the cross burn.
Really, all that happened was an asshole got his comeuppance.
I say, fuck that. If you're a drunk asshole because life gave you shitty cards by being both a black person before last year or a midget ever, I'm sorry. But just like I'm not gonna give a pass to people with fucked up families, an inny penises, or a melty face when they're assholes, you don't get shit for what you are other than the food savings you must see due to your tiny stature.
You ever know a person who survived cancer and won't shut the fuck up about it any time they do anything?
"Oh you think you ate a bad piece of chicken? That's how I felt too, then they found out it was a malignant bladder tumor that nearly killed me, but I'm sure yours is just some turned food."
What, I'm not allowed to be food poisoned because you had cancer?
"Oh you think talking about this is a waste of time? Well I love talking about this, because every second of MY life is a blessing, even when we're talking about something you don't seem to have time for even though you never had an inoperable tumor that you had to will away with Noni juice, colonics, and positive thought. I guess I'll just pick out the drapes by myself then."

FUCK OFF. Better people than you have had cancer, and while it'd be fucked up to wish you dead when you had cancer (which I didn't), I do now.

It's all about care

A couple of things:
No matter how much money we give Haiti, they will always be fucked a ten because their government is 100x as corrupt as ours and has negative 1000% the money to steal from people.

That being said, as long as people can abstractly care about something without disrupting their day, they'll give.

Donation through your fucking phone bill, man.

I predict that within the next ten years, the disparity between the first world and the third world will be so steep that middle class kids will be able to adopt little foreign children and treat them like the computer pets.  Hit this button to donate $1 for him to eat a Chicken and you can watch live streaming video of him chomping on it ravenously. You'll get push notifications "Woops! Your Jolie Baby has Diptheria, click here to donate $2 for your street rat's saline drip!"

"Mom, I wanted an Eastern Bloc PauperPet, Nepal is in Asia!!"


I'm going to mail this blog to myself so nobody can steal my idea.
Company name: Indige-Pet

I win at humanitarianism