Yesterday my girlfriend initiated a conversation with me that her dad (64 y.o., fell off a flat bed holding ATV's and is bruised up) could beat me up.
First of all I don't know why she'd ever want to find out if her dad could beat me up. Here's the scenario: Her dad, a former green beret or some kind of soldier who wears a special hat, taps into his youthful trained military rage and barehandedly pulls out my windpipe and drinks my blood. He wins the fight, she . . .wins the argument at my funeral?
Other scenario: I tap into out of shape bohemoth rage and destroy her adorable old man (I would never do that, he gives the world almost as many cute points as a baby riding a bull mastiff), and, I, forced like a gladiator to slay an aging retired middle school principal, win in reluctant fashion and she, loses the argument and her father?
In addition, now all I think about is how insulting it is she doesn't think I can take a 64 year old who's about 5'8". Is this hand to hand combat? Am I fighting him as a ruthless and archaic way to take his daughter as my own and prove my worth?
Most importantly, do I get a shield? I feel like I'd be good at fighting with a shield.
For those of you who don't remember Tommy Davidson once described a woman as "Teenage Mutant Negro Chicken Legs", I laughed for my whole life about that.
I just feel like if you haven't seen David Allen Grier in Boomerang, you haven't lived.
Jumanji.
